Feminine Shame

Feminine Shame exists because of shame we carry around the things about ourselves that are transient and cyclical – like our physical bodies and emotions.

Spiral and Triangle are concepts I created to help us go beyond the use of “feminine” and “masculine.”

Because those terms are widely used and tend to mean subtly different things to different people, I wanted to create concepts that still captured what I believe “feminine” and “masculine” are trying to capture at their core, without the loaded connotations that “feminine” and “masculine” bring into a conversation.

Think beyond gender, beyond sexual identification, sexual orientation, and anything having to do with that for a moment, I’d like for you to think about “feminine” and “masculine” in deeper senses.

They are polarities, they are the opposite ends of the spectrum of creation. They contain the necessary substrate for creation and everything is in a fluid dance along this spectrum: action and rest; lunar and solar; sleep and awake; quiet and sound.

Spiral & Triangle Principles

The danger lies in only recognizing the binaries and failing to see a whole way of existing in the middle that is dynamic. There is also danger in trying to label everything as either/or and when we begin to paint one way as better or worse than another.

The Spiral Principle, just to help us understand, could be thought of as the feminine and The Triangle Principle could be thought of as the masculine.

The Spiral Principle is all that is transient, shifting, passive, and cyclical, like the moon. The Triangle Principle is all that is fixed, structured, active, and linear, like the sun.

We’ve been taught to celebrate structure, outward expression, productivity, and action; to view it as safe, while anything that is transient, passive, and changeable is deemed unsafe and something of which to be wary.

What is Feminine Shame

Shame is a painful emotion. Shame is tricky, insidious, and mysterious, yet it’s at the root of all human suffering and dis-ease. It’s responsible for the “there’s something wrong with me story” and is responsible for creating the things we dislike in our lives, our bodies, our relationships, and our health.

Shame is caused by resisting some part of ourselves and in that resistance, we live in a state of inner conflict and turmoil and are constantly ashamed of the part of ourselves we’ve been programmed to believe is unworthy or invalid.

Feminine Shame comes from resisting the parts of ourselves that are in flux.

Feminine Shame In the Body

We resist aging, we resist our bodies changing. As women, we’re shamed for having periods. We are ashamed of bodily functions and go to great lengths to hide the fact that we may produce odors, excrete waste, and make sounds we cannot control – like apologizing for stomach growls.

We’re programmed to mistrust and dislike that which is in flux… as women, our very nature is in flux, so even without the added external shame, we’re carrying these subconscious beliefs about ourselves.

Our cyclical nature, our propensity to feel deeply, makes us “weaker” and less preferred – even by ourselves.

We try harder and harder to force, prove, and go against our very nature in an attempt to not reveal that which is so inherent and natural to us – the fact that we are predominately spiral creatures.

We don’t feel safe or held because it’s shameful to ask for what we need, lest we be labeled weak and be committing the social faux pas and stereotype of being a woman…

This ties in so well with the Mother Wound concept. These beliefs are so deeply ingrained and passed down the lineage creating ancestral shame and trauma

How Can We Begin to Unravel Feminine Shame?

Stop Participating in Feminine Shame

Don’t succumb to stereotypes and begin to catch yourself using them and rewire that habit.

Stop Shaming Anyone For Their Spiral Principles

Regardless of gender, sexual orientation, etc.; the Spiral Principle exists in all of us. Stop shaming people for dancing along the spectrum of their being! Emotional expression and fluidity is healthy and necessary. Bodily functions are healthy and necessary. Don’t shame a man for doing Spiral things. Don’t shame a woman for bleeding or call her hormonal, hysterical, or blame things on PMS.

PMS is a very sacred teacher, by the way. Whatever is the subject of your discomfort or challenge each month NEEDS your attention and is begging for your focus. We normalize this suffering and have come to expect it and numb it out with shaming and substances. Heavy bleeding, heavy cramping, bloating, etc. don’t have to be the norm… pay attention to the source of your emotional and mental strife during your bleeding time and the wisdom and answers are there for you. Honor the needs that arise, make the changes necessary, overcome the shame that’s holding you back from it, and watch as your cycle heals and becomes pleasant.

Stop Celebrating Triangular Way Over Spiral Ones

We have both Spiral and Triangular principles and we dance along that spectrum. We must stop celebrating the Triangle and positioning it has better than the Spiral. This looks like maniacal doing and hyperactivity at the expense of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. This looks like no rest, no restoration, and lots of outward expression.

On an individual level, we can endeavor to reclaim our sacred spiral energies. Some practices I give to my clients include:

Breast massage, sacred self-pleasure, especially with a crystal wand, and a mirror exercise.

Breasts are energetic extensions of our hearts, as are our hands. We store trauma, past lovers, others’ energies, and more in this area of our body. Breasts are the subject of a lot of scrutiny and a lot of shame. Massaging them, getting in touch with them, and moving lymph in this area is healing on all levels.

Self-pleasure, especially with crystal wands, is the ultimate way to soothe the nervous system and unravel shame and past traumas.

Lastly, the mirror exercise involves standing naked in front of a mirror and lovingly touching and seeing every part of your body. While moving from body part to body part, say, “I love you because _____ [you help me walk, show up for me, help me digest food and receive nutrients, etc.].”

I’m curious how Spiral Shame shows up in your life and body, so please reach out to me in my Facebook group and let me know! I’m super passionate about this subject and would love to know how this material and the other posts on shame are serving you.

Devon Ray Battaglia, MS, NC, RYT is a Holistic Life Coach + Catalyst + Intuitive + Writer obsessed with guiding others to their fullest potential through transmuting pain into purpose. Devon lives in a deep piney forestland where she enjoys plenty of raw cacao, being barefoot, and laughing until she can’t breathe along with her partner and their canine roommate (who really runs the whole show). Reach out for your complimentary session: http://bit.ly/ScheduleDiscoverySession