I hear from people all the time wanting “answers” on how to quickly heal themselves, how to lose weight, how to eat perfectly, if the newest diet fad is the holy grail, if they should follow what their best friend does because she has lost 20 pounds, etc.

Everywhere we turn, “expert” advice lurks with campaigns and ads to make us feel like crap and like we’re not enough on some level and that the answers are outside of us.

(Perpetually seeking external answers at the expense of your own innate wisdom is a symptom of Feminine Shame, by the way).

While the right resources given to the right people can certainly work wonders, they’re only part of the equation; only a few of the ingredients in the recipe.

When it comes to anything related to health goals, wellness, fitness, and the like, often the “answers” aren’t something sexy, clear, or direct. There’s nothing outside of yourself, no “perfect diet,” no “optimal exercise regimen,” no magic pill or herb, and no guru to follow.

Sorry.

So what is the main and missing ingredient?

Self-Love

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Think about your own past with food, diet, exercise, and other self care practices. What has been your biggest obstacle?

I know from my own past and the struggles of my clients, it’s consistency. For some folks it’s easier to work from a place of punishment (ever used exercise as punishment for how you ate the day before or for gaining a few pounds?) than it is to work from a place of self-love, dedication, and joy. 

The issue here, aside from being just plain cruel, is that punishment mode yields burnout and an eventual “falling off the wagon” that perpetuates the cycle of self-loathing and punishment. The diet or exercise regimen is used to “fix the problem” rather than support and enhance the overall journey.

The real problem is a lack of self-love. The real problem is rooted in Feminine Shame.

So how do you go from punishment, self-loathing mode to finding joy in caring for yourself and craving movement, whole foods, and nourishing activities? How do you make your desire for nourishment louder than the complacency of accepting anything less?

Begin by objectively reflecting upon your history, your current state and your ideal health and wellness status. What are the trends, the gaps, things you’ve tried that do not work and things that do work? Don’t get caught up in the challenges – reflect upon the resources, as well, and how the challenges can create even more resources!

Imagine your life as you would ideally love to experience it. This place of being fully sated on all levels is what I refer to as, Whole Being Nourishment. What movement delights you and how often, when, and where are you engaging your body with it? What meals are you enjoying? What self-care activities are you regularly incorporating into your life (bubble baths, art and creativity , reading, massages, gardening, etc.)?

Why do you want this life? Your “why” is your most important tool for the journey and can help you when things get tough. Channel your clear vision and “why” into sustainable, yet potent action steps each day, week, month, and year and pledge to do the best you can in each moment. As you put these actions steps into practice you’ll find yourself making good habits that stick.

That’s it. It’s that simple and that complicated.

If you find yourself checking out of this activity and wanting to instead Google for things like “how to drop 10 pounds overnight” or “best exercises for weight loss,” I invite you to stop the madness once and for all and turn your attention inward with embodiment practices. Every answer you seek is already inside of your wise body and it’s time you begin fully inhabit it.

Things like energy healing, shadow work, breathwork, and meditation can greatly assist with identifying and clearing blockages, increasing self confidence and self efficacy, enhancing our intuitive listening, supporting us in creating new habits, helping to shed layers that prevent deep self-love and compassion, and so much more.

Please get off of the cycle, love yourself in the ways you deserve and desire, and allow yourself to show up in the world in authenticity, wholeness, and with a vessel that is well.